What's a Fuckboy? For the Olds

My beloved readers.

It's been brought to my attention that in my recent post, "The Indisputable Countdown of Disney's Descendants" (read it. Read it now.) I introduced some fancy terminology that might not be as well known as I thought it was.

What am I talking about? I'm talking about the word "fuckboy."

You see, Cinderella's Son, Chad, is the crown jewel fuckboy in all of fuckboy-dom. And while I think most people grasp what I'm saying, especially if you've seen the film, the word "Fuckboy" deserves a little more observation.

Why? Because they're everywhere. Especially in comics. Especially on TV.

You may have some questions. "Rachel, what exactly is a fuckboy?" "How can I tell one when I see it?" and, of course, "Is this problematic?"

The answer to all of those questions is "Yes."

Fear not, readers. I've created a foolproof system for you. If you've ever watched Arrow or Grey's Anatomy, this is going to come in real handy for you.

I give you: The Fuckboy Rubric.

Based on the character of Cinderella's Son, Chad, this handy rubric allows you to go question by question and score your favorite (or least favorite) characters, based on the above categories. With 0 being "strongly disagree" and 4 being "agree," you add up the total amount and then divide from the total of 52 for an average fuckboy percentage.

I know. I didn't think math was useful, either. Turns out it is!

This handy rubric both explains the concept of a fuckboy and raises awareness of fictional fuckboys in your area. 

Arrow's Oliver Queen? A solid and surprisingly low 87%.  Arrow's John Diggle? 9%, mostly because they color-coordinate his outfits. And really, don't we all have a little fuckboy in us? Maybe there's one in you right now. We're all God's children.

With fall comes the return of many of your favorite shows, and I strongly advise you to keep the rubric handy. The word "fuckboy" can get thrown around a lot. It's not a sentence enhancer! It's a real thing, and now you, yes you, will be able to determine who and who is not the fuckiest of boys.

I'm expecting my Nobel Prize any day now.

on September 17, 2015