Ménage à Mort - A Recap of "American Horror Story: Coven" Episode 7

Episode 7 opens with a flashback where we see Kyle (Evan Peters) in happier times... meaning he is still comprised of his own body parts. He and his fraternity brothers are patronizing a tattoo parlor where, in lieu of perpetuating the stereotype that heterosexual jocks have questionable taste in body art, Kyle offers up his opinions regarding Hurricane Katrina and the broken levees. It turns out that he aspires to be an engineer and will do whatever it takes to prevent a similar tragedy from every coming to fruition.

Back in the present day, Frankenkyle is still shackled up in Cordelia's (Sarah Paulson) greenhouse. He takes a moment to examine his new body and recognizes the tacky tattoos of his dead brothers on his own body. I guess you take the good with the bad when it comes to piecemail bodies. Mopey Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) enters, still feeling remorse for resurrecting Kyle in such a shoddy condition. She plans to give him the Old Yeller treatment to finally end his suffering. As we've learned, Kyle has a knack for sniffing out when he's about to be put down (remember the tuna fish salad with a side of rat poison?). He manages to snatch the gun away from Zoe with little effort. Before he can turn the gun on himself, Zoe stops him and the two break down in eachother's arms.

Elsewhere in the house, Madison (Emma Roberts) is having her own issues dealing with her newly reanimated status. Apparently, coming back from the dead results in the loss of all feeling... physical or emotional. She spends a good deal of time gorging herself on as much food as she can find in the kitchen and ingesting as many pills and herbs as she can get her hands on. The only noticeable result is the return of pigment to her skin (the tingling sensation in her nipples was a false alarm).

Thanks to Madison's late-night attack of the munchies, there's no food in the cupboards to satiate Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) and Madame LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) when they come looking for a snack. The girls decide to hit up a 24-hour burger drive-thru where the ladies seem to bond further. Queenie confides in LaLaurie that she is disappointed with her overall experience at the Robichaux Academy and LaLaurie responds by telling her that the other girls will never see her as their sister due to the color of her skin.

Back at the Academy, Cordelia is awoken by a drunk dial from her witch-hunting husband, Hank (Josh Hamilton). She promptly hangs up on him after he tells her how much he misses her. It appears that he is calling her from a hotel room where he is amassing quite a stockpile of firearms. After leaving her bedroom, Cordelia blindly stumbles into Madison in the hallway. With her newfound psychometric powers still raging, Cordelia is treated to a flash of Madison's death and the part that Fiona (Jessica Lange) played in it.

Speaking of Fiona, she has joined the Axeman (Danny Huston) for a nightcap where he shows off his panty-dropping skills by charming her with bourbon and jazz. She excuses herself to visit the loo where, while primping in the mirror, pulls out a clump of hair due to her chemotherapy treatments. This is more than enough to distract her from the fact that the real tenant of the apartment is lying in a bloody heap in the bathtub. Fiona is convinced that this rendezvous is a total fail and attempts to leave but the Axeman manages to woo her into staying. Please note that sex with a ghost leads to earth-shattering orgasms that blow out lightbulbs in the room.

The next morning sees Zoe attempting to rehabilitate Kyle by teaching him how to speak. Michelle Pfeiffer had an easier time with her students in Dangerous Minds and Kyle gets frustrated with the minimal progress. Madison comes in and asks who Kyle is, revealing that she has no recollection of his resurrection or her hand in his initial demise. She tells Zoe that Cordelia is looking for her.

Leaving Kyle under Madison's temporary supervision, Zoe meets with Cordelia. The headmistress tells Zoe that thanks to her display of power when bringing forth the Axeman, she has pretty much put a target on her back and Fiona is ready to take aim. A preemptive strike against the Supreme is necessary. As if this news wasn't enough for Zoe to handle, after leaving Cordelia's room, she walks in on Kyle and Madison having sex.

While the living dead bump uglies at the Academy, Queenie is visiting with Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett). The two women discuss LaLaurie over gumbo and Laveau tells the girl to ask LaLaurie for details on the horrors that she performed back in the day. The voodoo priestess then offers Queenie a place with her own people in exchange for LaLaurie.

Back at the Axeman's loveshack, Fiona is getting dressed so she can start her walk of shame. She tells her mysterious new lover that she knows about the festering corpse in the bathroom and she's called the police. Of course, he calls her bluff. In an eyebrow-raising To Catch a Preadator twist, he reveals that he's been watching over her, as a father figure, since she was a little girl. Unseen by the living, he protected her from school bullies and eventually his parental attention grew into infatuation. Mortified by this revelation, she tells him to go and haunt someone else while storming from the apartment.

After finding out that Fiona may not be as dignified and matronly as she thought, Zoe decides to up the investigative ante. She is waiting in Spalding's (Denis O'Hare) room for the butler to wake up. He has been tied to the bed and is shocked to find out that his tongue has been restored. Apparently, magical enchantments are a better form of embalming than formaldehyde and, after finding it in that hidden room where the spirit board was tucked away, Zoe had no problem reattaching it while he slept. With Myrtle's truth-telling spell still in place, Zoe makes Spalding admit to Fiona's part in Madison's murder before stabbing him to death, ruining that beautiful kimono.

Down in the kitchen, Queenie talks with LaLaurie while the maid slices a ham. Following Laveau's advice, the girls asks Delphine to tell her about the most horrible thing she's ever done. LaLaurie regales her with a lovely little tale regarding her husband's infidelity with one of their slaves which led to the girl birthing a child. After slaughtering the newborn, LaLaurie then used the baby's blood as a facial mask. Elizabeth Bathory, eat your heart out. After learning the details of her her child's demise, the slave lept to her death from the balcony and onto the street below. Queenie is horrified by this story, but LaLaurie insists that she's just being honest with her because she sees Queenie as a true friend.

After washing the butler's blood off in the shower, Zoe encounters Madison in the bathroom. She tries to play it cool when Madison brings up the brief bout of voyeurism from earlier in the day. Being with Kyle is the first time that Madison has been able to feel anything since she was brought back from the dead. Due to this, she is not willing to give the boy up. However, not being completely heartless, she offers to share him with Zoe because she knows the other girl has feelings for him. Madison leads Zoe back to the bedroom where the two girls join Kyle in bed.

Under the guise of a "girls night out" to get their hair done, Queenie takes LaLaurie to Cornrow City. Delphine's excitement over a new 'do is cut short when Laveau and her troupe drag the woman into a cage. Due to her busy schedule, Marie hasn't had time to enjoy her beauty regimen that day. She hands Queenie a knife and tells the girl to make the first cut.

Later that evening, we see Laveau sitting at her vanity, applying a crimson facial mask.


Shaun N.'s picture
on December 4, 2013

A Marvel fanboy whose super powers include throwing side-eye, drinking whiskey, and re-reading back issues of "Alpha Flight."

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