Rob Klaus' Holiday Gift Guide for the Geeks - Part Deux!! For the Comic Book Geeks!
Welcome back everyone! I hope you enjoyed the first part of the Holiday Gift Guide. Here comes the second part! This one is aimed to the most dominant life form of geeks out there - the comic book geek! Let's face it, the comic book geek has been out there longer than any other geek. We are the forerunners for all you other geeks out there in the real world. Did I say "we"? Well, here is where I must make a confession - Hi, my name is Rob and I am a comic book geek! I have been reading comic books since the sixth grade. My collection is vast. I just completed the entire run of the original Justice League of America series, the one that started in the 1960s. So while you are reading this and you realize that this section has more choices than the other sections, well now you know why. Yes I am biased and also my birthday is next Tuesday, December 4th, hint hint to all those read this post!
As I stated before, this guide is meant for the non-geeks in your life. Your family, your friends, your significant other who just can not grasp what to get you for the upcoming holiday. I hope my horror geeks out there did what I suggested and shared the link for the previous post either through facebook, twitter or basic email so that those non-geeks can finally understand what you want for a present. I hope my comic book geeks do the same and share the following posting. If this guide helps at least one geek to have a memorable Christmas because the non-geeks finally "got" them then I can die a happy man. If what you see is something that you don't think your geek would like, then copy and paste the link for more choices. And now as they say in the theater on with the show!
1. As a comic book geek myself, I am addressing the family, loved ones and friends of the geek, do not, I repeat, do not buy comic books for your geek. Chances are he already has those issues that you bought him. Get him something comic book related or better yet, just get him a gift card so he can buy next week’s comics with your money! The more money on that card, the more appreciative that poverty-stricken geek will be. He will be the submissive boy that you always wanted. Comic books ain’t cheap these days, I am telling you! So splurge for your geek. He will thank you in his own special way! In NYC, I would suggest you head over to Midtown Comics (now in three locations – midtown, South Street Seaport and Grand Central) to get a gift card. Ya know, don’t know why they still call those other two locations Midtown Comics. Shouldn’t they be called South Street Comics and Grand Central Comics??? Things that make you go hmmmm! Anyway, with three locations, it just makes things more convenient for your geek.
2. Make your geek feel special and let him have some ambrosia, the wine of the gods, in this blinged out Wonder Woman goblet! This goblet is so blinged out that it is probably more suited for a Queen and I don’t mean a drag queen! Measuring 10 inches tall which is a perfect size because we all know how our gay geeks like to hold something that big in our hands and take a sip from it! With every sip your gay geek will feel like a Queen even though chances are he probably already acts like one!
3. One thing that all gay geeks have in common is that we all like a big head! Have your coffee, whether regular or with a splash of booze for those early mornings, in this MODOK coffee mug! Marvel has hollowed out MODOK and turned him into a beverage receptacle ( thanks to the Serpent Society for killing him). Enjoy your spiked coffee as you sip from the hollowed remains of MODOK’s superior cranium. MODOK stood for Mobile Organism Designed Only for Killing. Well I think they should now call him Mobile Organism Designed Only for Coffee. The only question that remains is this: do you want cream, sugar or revenge? And of course any true gay geek would ask for more “cream”!
4. This next item won’t be out until April 2013 but it is sure to be a hot commodity so better put in your pre-orders now and just give your geek a card with the confirmation email of the pre-order in the card! You have until April to enjoy the company of your geek because once this set comes out your gay geek will immerse him/herself in every aspect of Marvel’s elite Super Heroes with this limited-edition, 10-disc Marvel Cinematic Universe: Phase One Collection and you will never see your geek again. Complete with a glowing Tesseract (yes I said a Tesseract), this exclusive replica of Nick Fury’s iconic briefcase includes stunning Blu-ray 3D™ and Blu-ray™ presentations of The Avengers; Captain America: The First Avenger and Thor, as well as Blu-ray™ versions of Iron Man; Iron Man 2 and The Incredible Hulk in exclusive collectible packaging. Plus, now that you possess the highest level of security clearance, you have been granted access to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s most confidential files, including a top-secret bonus disc filled never before seen, classified information. Also featuring exquisitely detailed art, prop reproductions and artifacts from the motion pictures, the must-own Marvel Cinematic Universe: Phase One Collection will verify your status as the world’s greatest authority (next to me that is) on the Marvel Super Hero mythos! I know I said earlier that I would not include any movies in this holiday gift guide because that would be so easy to get but come on! It has a glowing tesseract! How cool is that! I can't wait to throw something in that tesseract and see where it goes. It is so shiny! And we gay geeks like our shiny things! You can already put in a pre-order for this shiny object.
Look how shiny that is! Oooh, aahhh, oohh!! And it has top secret confidential folders too! No one can resist this!
5. What kind of mutant is your gay geek?? Make your gay geek feel “gifted” by giving him a school bag from Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. As all true comic book geeks know, that school is no longer in existence so this is truly a rare commodity that would make your gay geek feeling high as Warren Worthington III on a good day! Washed cotton canvas bag with large main compartment, inside zipper pouch, 4 outside pockets, brass hardware, and 2" wide adjustable shoulder strap. Measures as: 15" x 11" x 6". Fits up to a 17" laptop. This bag will make him feel cool and will make him popular with his fellow mutants.
6. If you want to let your gay geek know how special he is to you and that you want to protect his precious family jewels then keep him shielded with Captain America Shield Blue Boxer Briefs! With a red lining, blue body, and the classic Captain America Shield symbol the 100% cotton Captain America Shield Blue Boxer Briefs is a great addition to his underwear collection right next to his Spider-Man underoos! Captain America's shield is thought to be indestructible, so it makes perfect sense to put it on a fantastic set of underwear! I wouldn't advise using it as a protective cup though, it is more of a theoretical defense. Nor is the shield the latest tool in safe sex! So play it safe. Make sure you salute your geek as he raises his flagpole while wearing his Captain America Shield Blue Boxer Briefs!
Doesn't it look all snug, tight and comfy in those briefs?
7. Have your favorite gay geek relive some of his favorite childhood memories and make him the cool kid at the office by getting him the Justice League lunchbox! From their secret cave outside of Happy Harbor, Rhode Island, the Justice League fought to defend the world from a slew of villains. Their motto, as written on this cool lunch box, is Strength, Power, and Courage. The front and backside of the lunch box shows Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, the Flash, and Wonder Woman. Sideband has stars with the Justice League logo repeated on either side. Black with black trim. Lunch box measures about 9.75" wide, 7.25" tall, and 4" deep. The lunchbox will definitely make your gay geek all giddy like a little altar boy before going into confession with the priest!
8. For those geeks who are a combo of comic book lovers and gaymers, there is Injustice: Gods Among Us! This is an upcoming fighting game featuring characters from the DC Universe (ya know the company, it’s the one Marvel stole their idea of rebooting their characters even though Marvel is claiming that it is not a reboot). The game is being developed by NetherRealm Studios for the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, and WiiU and is slated for an April 2013 release. Therefore, put in those pre-orders now if you can and just show your favorite gay geek the pre-order slip. You can enjoy his devotion to you from now until April when he disappears into the game and totally ignores you like every other gaymer out there! DC keeps announcing that they will be adding more characters to the game roster which already includes Batman, Cyborg, Flash, Superman, Solomon Grundy, Wonder Woman and others. They just recently announced that Deathstroke the Terminator will be added to the game roster! The principal gameplay for Injustice: Gods Among Us involves one-on-one matches within a two-dimensional plane, although characters and backgrounds are rendered in a three-dimensional fashion. Each match consists of one round; however, each player has two health bars. In order to make Injustice more accessible to casual players, the game uses a simplified, four-button layout of undefined light, medium, and heavy attacks, alongside a "character trait" button that activates a specific ability or attack designed to showcase each character. Did everyone understood that? Good, let's move on.
9. The movie Amazing Spider-Man came out this year to great reviews and won great admiration. One of the things that the movie did right was that it got rid of those organic webshooterss that were prevalent in the Raimi movies. The original mechanical webshooters are back and now your geek can have a pair for his own enjoyment! The front of the blaster folds down into his palm where his fingers press it down to shoot both water and webs. Shooting in a spiral shape that forms a cool spiderweb, the web fluid may vary in color. While this does appears to be something for kids to play with, I am sure there are few gay geeks out there that would like to play with this as well! Let’s face it, it won’t be the first time that a gay geek played with something sticky in his hands! Snap!
10. Barbie once again has gone to the birds! Only this time, Barbie has come out with their own version of the Blonde Bombshell from the DC Universe, Black Canary! Finally a strong female that all gay geeks can look upto (sorry mom)! Now your gay geek can finally play with the Barbie of his/her dreams. The better part is that this doll does not come equipped with its own sonic canary cry so you don’t have to worry about any shattered glass or ruptured eardrums. Now your gay geek can manipulate her and do whatever his or her perverted ideas wants to do with Dinah! Look at those legs! No wonder fishnet stockings never went out of style. Love the eyes!
11. If it is not dolls that your gay geek want, then how about a statue? Something that he can look at and admire for long periods of time (other than a porn star)! My favorite would be Zatanna, the Maid of Magic! Seductive sorceress Zatanna Zatara casts a spell on the DC Universe as she becomes the second Adam Hughes Cover Girl to appear as a stunning statue. With a pose taken directly from the cover of CATWOMAN #58, this hand-painted, cold-cast porcelain statue measures approximately 10" tall (from top of hat to bottom of base) x 4.5" wide x 4.5" deep, includes a 4-color Certificate of Authenticity and is packaged in a 4-color box. Just look at those legs! Drag queens everywhere will be jealous of Zatanna! If not happy with Zatanna just head over to the DC Comics website to check out other collectibles the company might have through DC Direct!
12. Do you want to protect your geek's credit cards, his id (which he so needs to get into any bar nowadays in NYC), the phone number that he got from that cute twink last night, his condoms, the happy hour receipt from XES Lounge that he can use on another night and his cash? How about the Mighty Wallet!! The Mighty Wallet is made from a single folded sheet of a strong micro fiber material, Tyvek, that is tear and water resistant, super strong and incredibly long lasting. It is the same material that is used for those fed-ex or priority mail bags that you would get in the mail sometimes. This innovative wallet design has no stitching and instantly adjusts to a custom fit. There are several designs for the Might Wallet. It ranges from Batman and Superman to Star Trek to Mork and Mindy! I prefer Wonder Woman for myself. And yes I already have one and it is great.
13. The one common theme that you will find in your geek's closet is an abundance of comic book apparel. So why not just add to it? Head over to superherostuff.com where you can find any comic book related apparel wear. The website has everything from t-shirts to hoodies to belts to cufflinks and it is all comic book related. You can even find home and office merchandise on this website as well. The website even has action figures. It is basically an all-in-one shopping center!
14. And just when I thought I was done writing, I came across this neat idea for a gift, the Duckvengers! Now your geek doesn’t have to bath by himself, he can be accompanied by his lil duckies, Captain Duck, Duck Widow, The Incredible Dulk, Iron Duck, Duckeye, and the duck of thunder, Thor (sorry I just couldn’t think of a cute name for a duck Thor)! Support an indepenent artisan by buying her work. These ducks are personally handmade by Spongekitty. She only charges $20 per duck which includes shipping and handling. Her work ranges from Marvel to DC (take a look at Jokey and Harley Quinn) to Pikachu to the Legend of Korra to Adventure Time ducks! You should check out Doctor Who and his Tarducks!!! I think I will be repeating this site in my sci-fantasy section of the gift guide just to post the picture of the Tarducks.
So we have finally reached the end of this section of the geek holiday guide. I hope you are pleased with the choices that have been listed. If not, just copy and paste the websites to explore other options. Remember make your geek happy this year by showing your support for his geekiness and get him a truly geeky present. The next section of this holiday gift guide will be intended for the sci-fi/fantasy geek.