Welcome back everyone to the last part of Rob Klaus' holiday gift guide for the geeks! Sorry for the delay but last Tuesday was a special anniversary for me (the 12th anniversary of my 30th birthday) and I went out to celebrate the night with friends. It was a good time. So good that it took me a few days to get my head together and focus on the last part of the guide. Also, this part is the toughest part for me because I am not a gaymer! I am sorry but I am not. However, I did asked around and gotten some great ideas and I went from there. I hope you enjoy this last part.
As mentioned before, this guide is more aimed for the non-geeks in your life. It's meant to help them think what they should get you for the holidays. I hope that you geeks share this post with your non-geeks and I hope that they finally understand what would be a nice present for the geek. If this guide can help the non-geek show his/her support for the geek in their life than I will be a happy Klaus. Now this last post is dedicated to the gaymer. Those geeks who sequestered themselves in their rooms and stare at the tv for hours while playing with their "joystick". No, they are not watching porn, they are playing video games. Video games have a long way from the days of Atari and Pacman. Video games are almost like movies. The art work, the characters, the complex moves, it is just wow! Anyway, I hope the gaymers enjoy this post and they approve my choices.
1. The hottest new video game character out there is Connor Kenway from the new game Assassin’s Creed III. Ratonhnhaké:ton means “ life that is scratched” referring to a struggle to survive. He is also known as Connor. He is is the protagonist of Assassin's Creed III, which is set between the years 1753 and 1783. Born in Colonial America to an English father, Haytham Kenway, and a Mohawk mother, Kaniehti:io. Ratonhnhaké:ton was raised by his mother among the Kanien'keha:ka during the Seven Years' War. He is Desmond's next key ancestor after Ezio Auditore da Firenze. Armed with various weapons and martial arts, he teams up with various historical figures in his fight against tyranny. Now come on, just look at the pic, Connor is delish! What gay geek would not want to manhandle this guy??? Make him do anything that you want to make you happy! The ideal man!
2. The newest game console has come out! Apparently this console was so desirable that it made gay geeks stand on line at the Nintendo Store in Rockefeller Center while braving the cold for the midnight release of this system. Even then, these gaymers were not able to enter the store until 3:30am! Usually, that’s last call at the bars! So you have to give these gaymers kudos for standing in line for such long hours with no drop of alcohol in them. The Wii U is the first Nintendo console to support high-def graphics, capable of producing video output to 1080p and has 2gb of memory half dedicated to the console’s operating systems. You can get the basic or just treat your gaymer and get him the deluxe version. The gamepad also features an embedded touchscreen and you know how those gaymers like to touch things! The touchscreen is used to supplement the main gameplay shown on the television or, with supported games, can allow the gaymer to continue playing games by displaying the main gameplay even when the television is off.
3. Hitman: Absolution is an action-adventure stealth game developed by IO Interactice published by Square Enix. It is the fifth entry in the Hitman game series and will run on IO Interactive's proprietary Glacier 2 game engine. The developers have confirmed that Absolution will be easier to play and more accessible, but will retain hardcore aspects. The game takes place in the US and features an online option. Basically it’s another hot man that your gaymer can play with and have control over!
4. Now if your gaymer is an avid gaymer, he has probably worn down his accessories through constant use, we all have that problem sometimes with our own "joysticks"! Therefore make your gaymer a happy camper and replace those accessories. The end result will hopefully be your gaymer taking you out on the town with the money he saved by not having to replace the accessories. GameStop is one of the best choices to seek replacement accessories. Everything from game consoles to headsets for every gaming system can be found at GameStop! Keep enabling your geek's addiction to gaming.
5. Now if you want your geek to stare at something else for hours without end and not ruin his vision by staring too much at the monitor then how about a model replica or a statue based on his/her favorite game. Find out what his favorite game and then search the internet for companies that might just have models or statues based on that game. For example, here is a replica of the SX3 Alliance Fighter from the game, Mass Effect. The SX3 Alliance Fighter is a companion to the Systems Alliance frigates which are the larger warships that are capable of traveling between star systems in the world of Mass Effect. Have your geek put this replica in his favorite spot in his room, let him stare at it and let his imagination wonder!
6. Help your geek improve his control and speed in the games by giving him the FPS Freek & Speed Freek GamerPack. Created with precision and accuracy in mind, the FPS Freek is the flagship controller accessory. Proven a winner time and time again, the FPS Freek has been praised by numerous professionals and enthusiasts. By increasing the length of the thumb-sticks slightly, precision while aiming is improved dramatically. The greater leverage offers your geek better control and less force. The Speed Freek was designed to help your geek be the fastest in racing games. The shape will help your geek make more precise movements on the tracks. This increased speed and ability will result in better perfomance and make your geek the envy of others. These controls will also ease thumb fatigue so now your geek can use his/her thumb for other naughty things!
7. If you want to be your geek's enabler then get him the PSPgo System from Playstation. The PSPgo system is small but mighty. It has built-in Wi-Fi which would let your geek download whatever he/she wants, ncluding hundreds of full games, add-ons, free demos, and the latest movies and TV shows from PlayStationStore. It saves everything directly to a giant 16GB hard drive so there is no need to carry around handfuls of game disks and memory stick. Your geek can join online multiplayer games and it even has Skype! Your geek can reach out to his friends with the use of a wireless headset and built-in Blue Tooth. Now your geek will completely ignore you as he plays endlessly on this portable device even on weekend road trips to Marth's Vineyard or to Provincetown or even on the ferry to Fire Island. However, while he may ignore you, I am sure your geek will always appreciate you for this fun gift.
8. If you think more electronics is too much then help expand your geek's wardrobe. Buy his t-shirts, hats, gloves and other apparel that has a connection to a video game. Your geek can now show his/her gaymer pride by wearing a game-related apparel. One popular game is Call of Duty which is embodied in a premium fit tee as pictured below. Make your geek look hot!
9. Make the cross over from electronic gaming to board gaming but combining both worlds with the Donkey Kong Jenga game. Based on (what I am sure today's gaymer would call ancient) the classic game Donkey Kong, help Mario™ climb the tower and save Pauline from Donkey Kong! In this custom Donkey Kong Edition of Jenga, your gaymer can carefully build and balance the tower as Mario climbs his way to the top. Spin the spinner and make a move. The Mario that reaches the top and saves Pauline from Donkey Kong or is closest to the top when the tower falls wins the game! Let Jenga be the game to strengthen the bond between geek and non-geek everywhere. Hopefully, your gaymer geek will forget his electronic games for at least thirty minutes.
12. Now if all this talk of GBs, memory space, led screens, online gaming and other techno-babble has confused your pretty little head, then make your life simpler and go to your local GameStop store and buy a gift card for your gaymer. It all depends on you on how much money you want to put in that card. The only thing I can suggest is that the more you put in, the more your gaymer will be happy and show how his appreciation for you and do whatever your naughty heart desires, hint hint!
Well there it is, folks! All four parts of the Holiday Gift Guide for Geeks posted for your reading enjoyment. I hope that these postings have been insightful and helpful when it is time to do your holiday shopping. Make your geek happy this year and show him or her how much you support his/her geeky ways no matter how strange and weird it appears to you. It is that quirkiness that makes the geek attractive to others. Happy Holidays!