ROB KLAUS' HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE FOR GAY GEEKS!!
I hope that all my fellow geeks have fully recuperated from their turkey-induced comas from last week. Just think of it, you have survived one holiday, now you have two more to get through before 2013 hits us! Well two more unless the zombie apocalypse does occur on December 22, 2012! It’s just two more holidays of spending time with family, with loved ones and with cherished friends. Hmm, my therapy bills will probably go up right after the holidays now that I think of it.
The next holiday is the big one because there are presents involved! YAY!! However, if you were like me who was in my childhood a young geek-in-training (and still am) , then your family and loved ones probably had no clue what to get for you on Christmas! And they probably still don’t to this day. If that is so then I present to you the Rob Klaus’ holiday gift guide for gay geeks! I hope that this gift guide will serve as a guide for your family, loved ones and friends so that they can understand what exactly they should get you as a Christmas present! I like to think this this gift guide is not what you expect. There won't be any choices for movies, comic books, books or what you might expect to get as a present! I am expanding the guide to reflect how much geekery has crossed the boundaries into apparel, games, toys and more! Therefore it is up to you my geeks to post this guide on your family's, loved ones’, friends', and that special non-geek in your life's facebook, page, twit them the link to this guide, post it on your tumblr or just email it to them! Done it! Ok, then shall we commence! Just to make it easier for you non-geeks who are now reading this gift guide, it is divided into four basic geek categories, horror, sci-fi/fantasy, gaymers and comic books! Trust me your geek falls into one of these categories. For your convenience, links have been provided for every idea that has been posted. Just copy and paste and go splurge for you favorite geek! For today's posting, we are tackling horror! What horror gift presents?? Yes it is possible!!
1. For the horror geeks, how about something to take the edge off those slashers and serial killers for the holiday seasons? These cute vinyl figures bring the cuteness to the likes of Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers. How can you resist them? There is no way you want to run away screaming from these figures. Considering the lost cost for just one, earn yourself some bonus points with your geek by getting the trifecta of killers – Freddy, Michael and Jason! Wrap them in blood red wrapping paper and put them all in a gift bag and watch your geek squeal in delight.
2. Now that the saga about angst ridden sullen vampires who shine like diamonds in the sun is finally over, it’s time to fully open the doors and embrace the next horror trend with open arms. ZOMBIES!! Well, ok, maybe not embrace them with open arms because they might chew off your arms! What better way to support the rise of the zombie trend by buying the complete set of action figures of Season 3 of the show that started it all, The Walking Dead! Now you can satisfy all your redneck fantasies by manhandling the knife-hand wielding Merle! Learn how to chop up zombies and people by holding the quite but strong Michonne! Help Michonne in keeping her “pets” chained up! Pitch Michonne and Merle against each other the shaggy zombie among them!
3. For those horror geeks who are secretly board gaymers and for those board gaymers geeks who are secretly horror lovers, try out the Walking Dead Board game! Place yourself in the shoes of sexy Rick Grimes, tough Andrea and ninja Michonne and other characters as they try to survive the zombie apocalypse while searching for weapons to protect yourself against the horde of gluttonous crystal meth addicts, whoops, I mean to say zombies! Games pieces are based on the tv series!
4. The Lament Configuration from Hellraiser brought nothing but trouble, pain, misery, blood and hell to whoever wields it. However, this glass version of the box from Hell is beautifully carved with the same etchings as the box and it serves as a paperweight. Now you can hold the portal to Hell in your hands without any of the consequences unless you want to use it to knock someone else out cold! Well at least your geek can blame it on being influenced by the box of evil!
5. Move over Ken Doll, there is a new macho doll in town! Ben Huss! Who is that? Ben is the hero and the lone survivor from that fateful house in George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead (that is the only title for this movie), the movie that started the zombie craze! What is that you said?? It wasn’t a man who survived but a woman? Oh you hopeless non-geeks! That sad remake doesn’t even exist in a true horror geek’s world! Ben was the survivor until some hillbilly redneck who clearly couldn’t tell the difference between a live and breathing black man and a shambling moaning dead man when he shot Ben! Lots of subtle social commentaries in that movie! The Ben doll is also accompanied by the Graveyard zombie that was out to get Barbara! Now your geek can help Ben continue his battle against the undead. Or could there be interspecies love between the duo? With a gay geek, you can never tell!
6. I always said that the Barbie doll was for the birds and here is proof! It’s the Barbie version of the character that Tippie Hedren made famous in Hitchcock’s The Birds. She wears the chic 60s green dress that Tippi wore throughout the entire movie. What? Did this uptown girl not bring a change of clothes in her pursuit of the hero of the movie?? Sniff, sniff! Gee, no wonder the birds were attracted to her. Sorry geeks, the birds are not detachable from the doll. They are stuck to her for life unlike Hedren’s movie career.
7. If you want to improve the special geek in your life then just get him a t-shirt! Preferably a tight one so that your geek can show off his muscles! Yeah right, a geek with muscles???? Anyway, head over to fright-rags.com and search around for the perfect tee! I would recommend the scarier the better or at least one that shows off a horror icon like Michael Myers or Leatherface, the wanna-be who craves to be in the A-List but has to settle in being in the B-List! And if you are not happy with the choices on this website, then just google horror t-shirts and be prepared to be shocked and scared by how many websites will pop up!
So that is it for horror geeks! I hope this will inspire the non-geek as to what to get for that special geek in your life. Come back tomorrow the second posting which will cover the sci-fi/fantasy geeks!