Ask Professor seX: Two Bottoms Don't Make a Top?

Dear Professor seX,

I’m a gay male and deeply in love with my boyfriend, but we're both bottoms and I'm not sure this will work long-term. Any advice for couples where both partners prefer the same sexual position?

Thanks, Northstar

Hi Northstar,

Sounds like you have a relationship polarity problem. Homosexual couples with the same sexual position is not uncommon and in fact not all homosexual male couples even have anal or insertive sex. A 2011 Journal of Sexual Medicine survey showed that only about 37% of those in the sample group had engaged in anal sex. You can have a full and rewarding sexual relationship with your boyfriend in other ways, but if you won't feel fulfilled without insertive sex, and oral isn't enough, you'll need more options.

Every relationship can get stale and you need to try new things to keep it fresh—both in and out of bed. Try taking turns as the top (or insertive partner) and maybe you'll realize you enjoy it! Human sexuality can be very fluid and not always dictated by our anatomy or past experiences. In some heterosexual relationships females use dildos with their male partners, so switching positions happens on both sides of the sexual spectrum. If trying out "north pole" isn't appealing, and you're okay with a non-monogamous relationship, you can try an open relationship, or have agreed upon sexual partners for anal sex. But of course, the level of monogamy in your relationship is something you should discuss prior to venturing down this path.

In the words of Tim Gunn, "Make it work!"

A crucial part of any healthy relationship is trust, which extends to sex. It can be exciting to try new things with someone you trust and love so deeply. If you are committed to making your relationship work I would advise that you explore monogamous options and look into open arrangements if you and your boyfriend feel it would work.

In good health, Professor seX

The happy couple