Dear Professor seX, This isn’t exactly a sex question, but kind of is since I refuse to have sex with my Trump-supporting boyfriend. I'm a bi female in a straight relationship (except when he’s a female—it’s a long story) and I can’t fathom that he voted for a clown who has no respect for woman, minorities, or my rights! I don’t know where to go from here and how to get past the respect I’ve lost for Fantomex…er my boyfriend.
Sex and politics definitely make for strange bedfellows but it’s also said that opposites attract. Take famously partisan couple Mary Matalin and James Carville for example. This is a tough question that I’ve also had to deal with since family members I love and have known my whole life unswervingly supported Trump. It’s perplexing when loved-ones are able to look past Donald Trump’s misogynist, xenophobic, and generally intolerant rhetoric, and cast a vote for him.
As with any disagreement, understanding and communication are key. Ask your boyfriend/girlfriend why they supported a candidate you feel diametrically opposed to. Really listen and try to understand why they felt compelled to vote this way. Like any argument you’ll have to decide whether this is something you can overcome or if it’s symptomatic of a larger divide that cannot be overcome.
In my situation the family members who supported Trump didn’t feel it would affect me or that I would end up losing any rights. They voted for mostly for financial, national security, and job growth reasons but also because they didn’t like Hillary. I consider it part short-sightedness, part selfishness, and also not comprehending the fears and concerns I and other minorities have.
I try not to interject my experiences but wanted to provide an analogous situation. My options were to not talk to those family members or to continue to love them while providing reasons why I think they’re wrong and hope to sway their political leanings.
Time heals all wounds and if your relationship survives this I might suggest keeping political talk to a minimum.
In good health,