Finding Prince Charming Finale Recap: The Crying Game

Last Time on Finding Prince Charming: Someone Say ‘Sisters’ Again

I have nothing interesting to say about this boring ass finale.
I have nothing interesting to say about this boring, lame finale.
I have nothing interesting to say about this boring, over-dramatic finale.
I have nothing interesting to say about this boring as fuck finale.
I have nothing…

Cheers to y'all finally getting released from the 9th circle!

::deep breath::

So, like, everyone cried in this episode?

“I am in love with Robert”

Is this how dating reality shows always are? I worry about rushing things when I say, “I love you” a few months into an actual relationship. All three of these boys left are selling their crazy eyes and the fact that they’re so madly in love with Robert.

Sad, gorgeous Brandon

I was proud, however, of how they handled Robert coming out as a former escort to these boys. I mean, it seemed like Robert brought it up and no one said a word. It would’ve been nice to see how they discussed it but at least it wasn’t problematic? At least no one said anything shitty? Giving them a gold-star for NOT saying something shitty is really saying a lot about this show though.

Brandon snapping a tendon is so weird and oddly timed. It’s also the most drama this show has had since the second episode. There was a moment, while they were all goofing around and painting that rainbow crosswalk, when I genuinely thought, “Why don’t they just all date? They seem to be doing fine together right now.” Which is not a good thought to have in a competition dating reality show. Don’t they know this isn’t Prince Charming’s Best Friend Race?

So, Dillon went home with a fart. Is this normal for reality shows? For so many contestants to go home without any drama? This felt so anti-climactic but also maybe because it was apparent that Robert had no “connection” with him (and we all know why). Dillon (who had crazy-eyes for dead-eyed Robert all god damned season) had an adult conversation with Robert and then parted ways with him. WHAT KIND OF SHOW IS THIS? I miss the days of Pumkin spitting in New York’s face. This show had me longing for an episode of Real Housewives of the Hellmouth, where somewhere will flip a table just because someone brought a book to dinner.

A smile-frown from Eric

“His foot.”
“His foot.”

Robert and Eric’s date sure was riveting, right folks? So, with it down to Eric and Dillon, I can honestly say I wasn’t sure who he’d pick. Although, it became very clear by the end he was going to pick Eric…right? And how much more interesting would it have been if Robert ditched the heteronormative bullshit and said, "I pick both of you" and they all ran off happily into the beautifully filtered sunset?

Anyway, there’s supposed to be a reunion next week. And THAT will hopefully bring a ton of drama and be an actually interesting episode.

Once more with feeling, Robert

Thing I learned: Robert either has NO E•MO•TION or can’t stop crying. There doesn’t seem to be any in-between.
Thing I hated:  ZzZzZz
Thing I don’t know: Did Robert know he was on a dating reality show competition? Or like, did he think this was some serious performance art?
Thing that now gives me a nosebleed whenever I hear it: let’s agree to never use the word “connection” every again, okay?

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on November 4, 2016

Buffy Summers in her prom dress holding two pugs.