14 Ladies Who Should Be Menacing The Marvel Cinematic Universe

I wrote about what ladies should be saving the Marvel Cinematic Universe—so, it only makes sense for me to write about what ladies should be menacing the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Loki has been the only interesting villain we’ve gotten in the movies—Ronan and Nebula came close, but still weren’t quite there. Other than that, every villain is kind of just a faceless monster. But, again, I love love love these movies and would watch a movie that’s just The Avengers going out to dinner at this point. But, they still need better villains (or, at least, villains that are as fun/interesting as Loki).

 

And like my first piece, I'm only including characters that haven’t been announced as being in any series or movie or made any appearances (which is basically no one) and only included characters Marvel could legally use in their movies (so, sadly, no mutants—and, sadly, The X-Men have some of the best lady villains). And, as always Marvel, if you’re reading this—feel free to hire me.

 

(1) Moonstone

Why: One of the most badass super-villains of the Marvel Universe. She’s smart, mean, sassy, super strong and sometimes not evil (but, like, mostly she’s evil). She is the villain the Marvel Cinematic Universe deserves. I think she’d be great as the villain in Captain Marvel.

Who Should Be Cast: Elizabeth Mitchell (LOST) or Clare Kramer (Glory from Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

 

(2) Typhoid Mary

Why: She’s insane and is enemies with Daredevil and Spider-Man (and even recently fought the X-Men). Also, she’s kind of a ninja—we definitely need to see her—either in a movie or in one of the Netflix series.

Who Should Be Cast: Yael Stone (Orange is the New Black) or Tatiana Maslany (Orphan Black)

 

(3) Viper/Madame Hydra

Why: BECAUSE THEY NEED A GOOD VILLAIN FOR HYDRA THAT ISN’T BORING LIKE EVERY OTHER HYDRA VILLAIN! I mean, Christ on a God damned cross, I haven’t given a shit about a single Hydra villain—and I say this as someone who legit loves Agents of SHIELD. Also, Viper was technically already in the 2nd Wolverine movie—but Hyrda was never mentioned so I’d like to think ‘Madame Hydra’ is a title they could use and just make her a different woman who wears green (and maybe isn’t doing her best Kim Cattrall impression like the woman who played Viper in The Wolverine).

Who Should Be Cast: Lucy Liu (Charlie’s Angels, Kill Bill Vol 1)


 

(4) Enchantress

Why: There have been TWO Thor movies and neither of them have had Enchantress in them. We even got her freakin’ sister in an episode of Agents of SHIELD—her sister I had to google after watching the episode because I thought she was made up for the show (she was not). So, it only makes sense that we should see her soon. Every villain in every Thor movie can’t be Loki, right?

Who Should Be Cast: Portia De Rossi (Arrested Development)

 

(5) Madame Masque

Why: Iron Man is very much lacking in the villain department—as I typed that I actually thought, “Wait, who was the villain in Iron Man 2?” She’d be more interesting than any of the other villains he’s faced so far.

Who Should Be Cast: Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights) or Laura Prepon (Orange is the New Black, That 70s Show)

 

 

(6) Sin (Red Skull’s daughter)

Why: Well, we know Mr-I’m-Too-Good-For-Marvel-Movies-But-Not-Too-Good-For-Shitty-Matrix-Sequels doesn’t wanna come back as The Red Skull, so it makes sense to have his daughter appear in the Cinematic Universe.

Who Should Be Cast: Kate Beckinsale (Underworld series)

 

(7) Titania

Why: We need someone who can punch The Hulk and Thor through a wall and she’s the perfect villain for the job. My dream would be that the Wrecking Crew could appear in a Hulk or Avengers movie and she’d be part of the group.

Who Should Be Cast: Zoë Bell (Death Proof, Whip It)     

 

(8) Black Widow (Yelena Belova)

Why: Black Widow needs a God damned arch-enemy!

Who Should Be Cast: Emma Roberts (American Horror Story, Scream 4)

 

 

(9) Calypso

Why: Well, now that Marvel has Spider-man, he’ll need some villains to fight—and Spider-man doesn’t have a lot of female villains, so they should definitely include her.

Who Should Be Cast: Taraji P. Henson (Empire)

 

 

(10) Morgan Le Fay

Why: She’d be good as the main villain in Thor or an Avengers movie or even the Doctor Strange movie. And, fun fact, she was the main villain in the made-for-TV Doctor Strange movie and was played by Jessica Walter aka Lucille Bluth—but, well, don’t let that fool you into thinking it might be good. It’s not.

Who Should Be Cast: Kali Rocha (Halfrek from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) or Lily Rabe (American Horror Story)  

 

(11) Hela

Why: The Cinematic Universe’s Asgard needs more villains that aren’t Loki or random grumbling monsters (even if they’re played by The Doctor himself) and approximately 8978979 more women. She’s more neutral than villainous—but, still. She rules over hell…or a hell dimension. Or something. It depends on what comic you’re reading if it’s HELL or like, some place that’s kinda like Hell.

Who Should Be Cast: Laverne Cox (Orange is the New Black)

 

(12) Lucia Von Bardas

Why: She’s mostly the reason for the 2nd (kinda forgotten about) Secret War series which eventually kinda sorta leads into Civil War (kinda). I mean, she’d even make sense as a villain on Agents of SHIELD.

Who Should Be Cast: Juliet Landau (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel)

 

(13) Shriek

Why: Because she’s a vaguely obscure Spider-man villain from the 90s that I really loved and there are surprisingly (or not surprisingly, I guess) not a lot of good lady super-villains in the Marvel Universe.

Who Should Be Cast: Imogen Poots (28 Weeks Later, That Awkward Moment) or Juno Temple (Kaboom, Magic Mike)

 

(14) Death

Why: I mean, she’s not bad or good—but she does watch a lot of people die and it’d give the Cinematic Universe’s Thanos a really weird love interest (if they were sticking to the comics). And she’s not always walking around as a skeleton—sometime she has a face with skin, so…

Who Should Be Cast: Gina Torres (Firefly, Angel)

 

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Twitter: @ianxcarlos

 

 

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on March 19, 2015

Buffy Summers in her prom dress holding two pugs.