Married....With Bastards: Two Swords

The merry murderers and murderesses of Westeros and Essos are back for some more bloody mayhem! Let's get to it. 

 

So the show starts off with Tywinn Lannister melting down Ice, the ancestral sword of House Stark. 

 

Because their's no point in defeating an enemy unless it also means turning their memory to literal ashes. 

 

Meanwhile, Dany is getting all maternal with her winged machines of fiery death. 

 

But, that may not be going too well. 

 

Since we all know that Dany cannot have nice things. 

 

We met Oberyn Martell, who's kinda scary.  

 

And maybe a little into dudes. 

 

Margeary Tyrell evaluated wedding jewelry. 

 

 

Everyone was really, really mean to Jamie, 

 

But at least Cersei got him a new hand. 

 

 

He was totally thankful for it. 

 

Cersei drank of course, 

 

and there was some twincest.

 

Enough about everyone else though. Let's talk about the Starks. 

 

Sansa has finally heard about the Red Wedding. Tyrion tries to cheer her up. 

 

As always, there's Jon Snow feels. 

 

Which brings us to little Arya, who is now a part of some Game of Thrones version of Statler and Waldorf.  

 

But like a homicidal Statler and Waldorf that has a penchant for poignant murder. 

 

 

Well that's about it. 

Oh yeah, there's a new Daario Nahaaris, but nobody really cares. Except for Dany. 

 

See you next week!

 

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