Marvel is shocking fans this week with yet another Captain America reveal. As if the announcement that the beloved Steve Rogers is a member of Hydra wasn't already enough to set geekdom's collective heads spinning. Marvel is set to announce this Wednesday that Captain America has actually been nothing but a crime fighting jar of peanut butter this entire time.
When asked to comment, one Marvel editor said, "When we said Cap was going to be revealed as a Hydra plant, we meant that somewhat literally. Peanut butter is made from peanuts and peanuts are legumes. Those legumes come from the arachis hypogaea plant. So in that respect, Captain America is almost literally a plant. I mean really, the reveal couldn't have been more obvious."
The news has raised a number of startling questions. For instance, when we asked where the peanuts were grown, the same editor had this to say,
"That was definitely a hurdle. I mean, we couldn't get around the fact that China is the number one exporter of peanuts. Those are the facts. We want the Cap to be all-American, but our decisions need to have some level of realism or fans won't buy it. So the peanuts were probably grown overseas, but Captain America was definitely ground and jarred on 100% American soil. After all, we're not crazy!"
Some fans are outraged, but many are wondering how they didn't see it before. Looking back, it appears this might have always been the direction in which Marvel creators were trying to push Captain America.
When pressed on the number of fans with peanut allergies, Marvel execs were curiously silent. It was also noted that they were downright catty when asked what has to be the biggest question on fan's minds, crunchy or smooth?