We open on a trippy scene of Lydia tracing the bruises on her arm from the last episode. She and Allison are on their way to find Scott in case the symbol is a wolf-thing. Clearly her father’s pep talk about leading a normal life has had no effect on Ms. Argent. WHEW!
Meanwhile, Scott is not answering Allison’s calls (Continue to earn that tattoo, boy!) because he and Stiles are off to the birthday party of one of Stiles’ Gymboree pals! Who goes to another high school, which is why Stiles has never seen, nor talked, to this “pal” in two seasons and why she thinks Stiles is cool enough to invite to a party.
Scott: “Meh. Emotions.”
Stiles: “One drink, bro!”
Me: Is underage drinking allowed on TV? The mores were different when I was a teen, one hundred thousand years ago.
Inside the party, girls are wildly “Cheers!”-ing blue solo cups, which is clearly just ginger ale. Heather (from Gymboree) is telling Unique’s twin sister (Twinque) that she wants to be BANGIN’ at sex when she finally falls for a boy so she is TOTES swiping her v-card tonight in the nearest warm-blooded (hetero) practice dildo boy. Cue: Stiles, and my unbridled jealousy.
Clearly the stomach settling effects of the ginger ale have cured Heather of her normally debilitating inhibitions, because she lays some sugah on the stunned Stalinski and absconds with him to her parents sexy wine cellar! (Where they store more ginger ale!)
Scott is grinning like an idiot, and Twinque is busy giving him a once over. She finds him... lacking. God I hope she guests again!
Scott can’t believe someone judged his dick, but just in time he gets a text from someone who cares more about his ass heart, Allison!
Back in the basement, Heather makes her move on a bewildered and be-willing Stiles, thereby leaving out all of the audience’s shallowest fantasies. However, no one brought a condom (no one thinks ahead after that much ginger ale!) so Stiles goes upstairs to get one of Heather’s brother’s condoms while she waits downstairs to be murdered jack-off Teen Wolf.
Evidently, Scott has actually replied to Allison’s text because A and L are magically outside the party house. Scott, seeing Lydia and being a genius, says, “This isn’t the feelings talk we were going to have about feelings, is it?” Allison, being a butt-kicking hunter, is like, “Nah. What this bruise is, knave?”
Stiles finds the condoms. They are XXL. Stiles isn’t the only one who’s disappointed.
Back in the basement, the wine ginger ale starts flying off the racks in a super awesome scene that would make Freddy proud! The telekinetically exploding bottles herd Heather to the window, which opens, scares Heather, and then vacuums her up and out of this episode! Stiles bursts into the basement, looks for Heather, but only gets as far as her discarded shoe before surrendering to boner-defeat. Meanwhile, the window closes behind him, and the floor is mysteriously not covered in broken glass...
Cut to a bitchin’ loft! Isaac and Derek (roomies!) are discussing how much they don’t like some dude (Derek’s trick last night?) and wishing that Derek could be the one to “do it” (...is it “sex”, Derek?). Derek says he doesn’t have enough control (Yup, we’re definitely talking about sex.), so they have to go to him. The door opens and it’s everyone’s least favorite series regular, toothless ex-villain Peter Hale!
Peter: “I can hear, you know. I hope that you are willing to say that to my face.”
Derek: “We don’t like you.” ::throws down his book!::
Then Peter does his claw-lepathy on Isaac (and his eyes turn blue... I guess that means he’s a Beta again?) and sees Erica, Boyd and Deucalion in Isaac’s blurry, repressed memory. Looks like this plot device wasn’t strong enough to solve the mystery! But we do get that “time is running out” and that the DEADline (You’re welcome.) is tomorrow night!!!!!
Back at High School, Derek is creepily on campus being called in for a bruises consult. He’s a totes bitch to everybody and says the bruises mean nothing (other than that the dead girl [who everyone has COMPLETELY forgotten] must have crazy mangled hands). Lydia’s all, “I knew it, pareidolia, no one appreciates my genius!” aaaaand that about does it for her this ep.
Evidently Derek’s being a no-help-welp because Lydia resurrected Peter (but he was sooooo hot and mind-control-y!) and Allison shot him a bunch (but that was fuuuuuunny!), so he thinks they are both terrible. Stiles tries to mediate, and Allison just says that Derek (basically) killed her mom and she’s just helping the girl (who no one acknowledges died). Derek storms off, but not before telling Scott to tell Allison that her mom got bit only because she was trying to kill Scott. Scott says, “Nooooooooo, I don’t wannnnnaaaa!”
Walking across campus, Stiles points out that it is completely unexplained why the Alphas wanted Boyd and Erika (or The Girl!) in the first place, and Scott vibes out when the Alpha twin(k)s walk past.
In Coach’s Econ class we get a lesson risk and reward, the theme of the episode. Scott did his homework and knows the answer and Coach is flabbergasted, impressed, and turned on. His pants situation doesn’t get any less uncomfortable when he asks for a quarter and Stiles’ XXL condom from the party comes flying out of his pocket.
Coach: “You dropped this. And... congratulations.”
Stiles: ::shocked (and a little turned on)::
Scott: ::giggles (and a little turned on)::
Danny: ::OPEN-MOUTHED AND A LOT TURNED ON::
MTV: Announcing the return of RJ Berger!
Then everybody plays a weird game using quarters and makes jokes about pop quizzes. Oh, and Danny gets one line. Woo!
Then Sheriff Dad shows up and reveals that Heather is MISSING and Stiles is the last person who saw her!! (Hey, maybe she isn’t dead! I mean, she has a name, and she didn’t actually leave any blood behind in the cellar so,,,)
In the library Lydia is gawking at the Twin(k)s (who are... canoodling?) and Allison is researching.
Lydia: “I want one.”
Allison: ::excited for girl talk!:: ‘’Which one???”
Lydia: ::constantly explaining things for the slow kids:: “The straight one, obviously.”
Allison: SO CONFUSED until Danny walks into some kid while making sex-eyes with the Twin(k) in the leather jacket.
Allison decides to look up “logo’s” while the Twin(k)s get their mac on their respective mates.
“Did you mean ‘Beacon Hills business logos’?”
Stiles is having CHARACTER MOTIVATION about finding Heather, so Scott decides to take AmnesIsaac to The Vet to get nearly killed for a second time this episode answers. The only way to get the answers is for Isaac to TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT (because Teen Wolf) and so we get our sole shirtless boy of the episode:
“Four guys and a bath tub.”
Anyway, the good doctor’s plan works and we figure out that the baddies are at a bank and are prepping their victims to fight to the death. The coolest part of this scene is the sympathetic nature (and electricity!) that reacts to Isaac’s memories as he recalls them in his trance. It’s moody and tense and WAY better than the claw-lepathy!
Plus it ends on a shocking note: Isaac is proud of himself for remembering the bank’s name, but everyone else is grim. He doesn’t remember what he said at the end: “There’s a dead body. It’s Erika.”
Everyone vows to get Boyd out, but no one knows how to break into a bank. That is until Stiles uses his smartphone to find out that there was a robbery attempt a few years ago! And we get the best joke of the episode:
Derek: “How long will it take to find out how they broke in?”
Stiles: ::cocky:: “It’s the internet? MINUTES.”
Anyway, they figure out that Sheriff Dad did the arresting and go tap their inside source.
At school Lydia and Allison discuss the bank and we see that Allison is planning on showing up Der-dick and breaking into the bank herself to solve the mystery.
Evidently nothing happens at school that day.
Allison walks in through the front door while the boys plan on how to punch through the wall. It’s a totes cute Sterek scene that involves Stiles getting punched in the hand and Derek being badass. Totes cure, totes perf. Then Peter is the Hale dickhead of the scene, so Scott volunteers to help Derek rescue Boyd and the mystery girl.
Back at the bank Allison gets ambushed by... Ms. Morrell! She’s told to hide in the closet until she hears the fighting start, then she, and only then, can she run away. Morrell hides and the Alphas walk past. Hippie Alpha smells something, but Allison knocks over a bottle of ammonia to cover her scent and uses her jacket to cover the gap underneath the door. (I am impressed by her smart-itude!) Next is an awesome segment of scared flashlight-ing that leads to this:
Someone got fired!
In Derek’s loft, Stiles and Peter banter and then figure out that the bank is a moonlight-inhibitor and the rescue attempt on the full moon will lead to Boyd going CRAZY when his pent-up wolf finally gets out!
Derek and Scott discuss that there is clearly something they don’t know. Derek doesn’t care because he’s both hot, magically able to afford a pimp loft without any discernable occupation other than scowling, and totally selfless. Then he punches through a wall.
Boyd is all growl-y and Scott gets an explanatory call from HQ. But, just when he’s about to tell Derek about the dinner they are about to be, the MYSTERY GIRL steps out of the shadows and Derek is all “CORA MY LONG DEAD SISTER IT IS LIKE YOU ARE MY HEART OUTSIDE MY BODY I CANNOT ABANDON YOU!!!!”
And Ms. Morrell shows up to close a magic-wolfsbane-dust circle just as the moonlight hits the starving Gammas!!!!! And Deucalion shows up to get Ms. Morrell because they are TEAMMATES?!?!?!
The Gammas are killing Derek and Scott, so Allison (bursting from the closet as ALSO PLANNED by the duplicitous and awesome Marian Morrell) breaks the circle and releases the Gammas onto a defenseless Beacon Hills. Derek is pissed and he and Allison yell at each other about being morally complex characters until Derek reveals that Mrs. Argent wasn’t the saint that Allison thinks she was. Allison: “WHAT DOES HE MEAN, SCOTT?”
And Lydia is screaming.
And that is “end” of the episode! ARGH! I hate cliffhangers, but I love that this season is SUCH a horror movie! Also, that Isaac was too cold to help out at the bank, LAWL!