The Mostly Unfabulous Life of Edina Monsoon

SCANDAL IN LONDON

As many are aware, a great tragedy befell the fashion world this week due in no small part to the machinations of Ms. Edina Monsoon (Jennifer Saunders). As those in the biz know, Ms. Monsoon’s PR firm has been hemorrhaging clients and money over the years with even the stalwart Lulu about to give her the boot. Our sources say that Ms. Patsy Stone (Joanna Lumley) in a fit of drunkenness (and let’s be honest, when ISN'T she on the sauce?) leaked to Ms. Monsoon that none other than the ever lovely and dear Kate Moss was looking for new PR representation. According to Claudia Bing (Celia Imrie) who is on a first name basis with Ms. Moss, Ms. Monsoon crashed a fashion show and in a fit of rage when Ms. Moss declined her invitation for representation, pushed her over the wall and into the Thames where her body has yet to be discovered.

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Gwendoline Christie was present when the assault took place, but she has been inconsolable ever since and refuses to do anything but recline in her bed and weep. Yes, Ms. Monsoon has managed to crack the damn of tears behind the eyes of even Brienne of Tarth. Jon Hamm was sitting right next to Ms. Moss but was distracted by a run in with Ms. Stone who he hadn’t seen in years. Rumor has it that Ms. Stone punched his V-Card when he was only 15. When asked for comment, all he could do was continually mutter, "I can't believe she's still alive. She should have been dead by now."

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While Ms. Monsoon’s daughter Saffy (Julia Sawalha) refused to speak with us or make a statement with any other news outlet, she has gone on record asking people to please leave her mother alone and quit "trolleying her on Twitter" (her mother's words). Bubble (Jane Horrocks), longtime associate and employee of Ms. Monsoon was willing to speak on condition of anonymity so long as we included her name in the story (her exact words) but has since gone missing and is feared to be the victim of foul play.

Those knowledgeable of the 20-plus year histories of Mmes. Monsoon and Stone are no doubt familiar with their shenanigans and are used to and even expect the outrageous actions from the last few days. Some could even say that theirs is a comedy of errors and find mirth in the recent events. Those who have never heard of these two women and are unaware of their previous exploits will no doubt find their newest bumblings dull, dim-witted and utterly abominable.

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In the past, Mmes. Monsoon and Stone have also been stalwart defenders of the LGBT community since they began their endeavors back in 1992, but there have been some recent comments made by them and their cohorts that have taken some aback. Namely, it is odd that they have been making jokes at the expense of those in the transgender community who neither deserve nor should expect that from these women. Again, we have been unable to reach Ms. Monsoon for comment, but she has been quoted in the past as saying, “It’s all just a joke, darling. Not everyone needs to get offended at everything.”

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We will be keeping an eye on this story and will update you as we get more information. Of all the crazy things Mmes. Monsoon and Stone have done in the past, this almost tops them all. One could even say it’s an homage to the misadventures that have come before, but one that only those who have followed along from the beginning will appreciate or understand.

LQQK RATING Quality: 3.5 out of 5 stars Queerness 1 out of 6 Kinseys